After
struggling with fertility issues for a full three years, I chose to
have in vitro fertilization (IVF). When I first learned that I was
carrying twins as a result of my very first IVF cycle, I was ecstatic.
In spite of my fertility issues, I was going to have two babies! It
seemed that there couldn't have been a better outcome.
My morning sickness and fatigue were severe, which my doctor said was due to my carrying twins. I was also diagnosed with anemia in my first trimester. At only 13 weeks, I began to have regular contractions as well as some intermittent spotting. My doctor chose to put me on disability for the rest of my pregnancy and told me to take it easy as much as possible.
At 22 weeks pregnant, I developed gestational diabetes and started on a special diet prescribed by my doctor to control my blood sugar. My hips began to hurt really badly and it was hard to walk and sleep. Again, my doctor attributed this to carrying twins. I figured that I was tough enough to endure it, since I had already survived my fertility issues.
At 24 weeks, I went on bed rest because I was experiencing increasing contractions. One week after that, I passed a large amount of mucus and some blood while I was using the bathroom. I tried to convince myself that it was nothing serious. I was wrong. Twelve hours later, an ambulance brought me to the UCSF Medical Center where I gave birth to my twin daughters. They each weighed only one pound, seven ounces.
One of my daughters passed away at only 7 days old. It was the most painful moment of my entire life, and for a brief period, I wondered if I would ever be okay again. However, I now had one living daughter to attend to. I spent the next few months focusing my attention on her. She came home when she reached full term, and amazingly, has no lasting health problems from her premature birth.
It would have been easy to let years of fertility issues and the death of my daughter cause permanent emotional damage. However, quite the opposite happened. Since giving birth, I have stopped sweating the small stuff in life; most of the things that I worried about before don't seem to matter anymore. I easily shake off the things that used to bring me down. And the critical voice in my mind that once held me back from really living life to the fullest seems to have vanished. I'm sorry that it took my child's death to cause these changes, but I am grateful that they happened nonetheless. I now have the courage to follow my dreams, and am now halfway done with a degree in photography at age 38.
Most importantly, if it weren't for my fertility issues, my beautiful 2-year-old daughter wouldn't even exist. She is the light of my life, and I would go through all of it again just to have her.
My morning sickness and fatigue were severe, which my doctor said was due to my carrying twins. I was also diagnosed with anemia in my first trimester. At only 13 weeks, I began to have regular contractions as well as some intermittent spotting. My doctor chose to put me on disability for the rest of my pregnancy and told me to take it easy as much as possible.
At 22 weeks pregnant, I developed gestational diabetes and started on a special diet prescribed by my doctor to control my blood sugar. My hips began to hurt really badly and it was hard to walk and sleep. Again, my doctor attributed this to carrying twins. I figured that I was tough enough to endure it, since I had already survived my fertility issues.
At 24 weeks, I went on bed rest because I was experiencing increasing contractions. One week after that, I passed a large amount of mucus and some blood while I was using the bathroom. I tried to convince myself that it was nothing serious. I was wrong. Twelve hours later, an ambulance brought me to the UCSF Medical Center where I gave birth to my twin daughters. They each weighed only one pound, seven ounces.
One of my daughters passed away at only 7 days old. It was the most painful moment of my entire life, and for a brief period, I wondered if I would ever be okay again. However, I now had one living daughter to attend to. I spent the next few months focusing my attention on her. She came home when she reached full term, and amazingly, has no lasting health problems from her premature birth.
It would have been easy to let years of fertility issues and the death of my daughter cause permanent emotional damage. However, quite the opposite happened. Since giving birth, I have stopped sweating the small stuff in life; most of the things that I worried about before don't seem to matter anymore. I easily shake off the things that used to bring me down. And the critical voice in my mind that once held me back from really living life to the fullest seems to have vanished. I'm sorry that it took my child's death to cause these changes, but I am grateful that they happened nonetheless. I now have the courage to follow my dreams, and am now halfway done with a degree in photography at age 38.
Most importantly, if it weren't for my fertility issues, my beautiful 2-year-old daughter wouldn't even exist. She is the light of my life, and I would go through all of it again just to have her.
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